


Sapnap's Guide to Surviving Your Best Friend's Gay Panic

by SummerFlingsAndThings (QueenBoudicatheGreat)



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: But it's fine dont worry im not adding that subplot into this, Dream gets recognized in public, Feelings Realization, Heterophobic microaggressions, Is self doubt going to be something i force on all members of the dream team?, Lmao you could say that, M/M, Nobody in the dreamhouse is touch starved that's for damn sure, STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT - Freeform, and sapnap is a better friend than either of them deserve, dream is super dumb, george is super done, imma be real i just got bummed out and wanted to write chaotic best friends, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29166699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenBoudicatheGreat/pseuds/SummerFlingsAndThings
Summary: Sapnap looked up from where he was lounging on his bed and scrolling through Twitter, totally nonplussed, and gave Dream a nod. "'Sup?""Sap, I need your help," Dream said, a vein of panic entering his tone. "It's about George."Sapnap's eyes widened in concern for a moment before they flicked over Dream's face, and he relaxed into a relieved heap. "Is this because you finally realized you're super gay for him?"☆●☆●☆●☆●☆Dream finally catches up with literally everyone else on the planet and realizes that he's in love with George. But this story isn't about Dream. It's not about George, either. It's about Sapnap, because he's the real hero here.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 179
Kudos: 619
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> An open letter to everyone who got excited thinking this was going to be an update for A King's Gambit or something along that vein: I'm so sorry you had to learn it this way, but dumb silly rom com shit is my bread and butter. This is the real me. I hope you understand.
> 
> Nah, but for real, don't worry, I have not abandoned A King's Gambit. I was actually brainstorming the next bit and it involves Sapnap because he's my favorite. Unfortunately, because he's my favorite, I got sad. So I wrote this dumb little thing to get un-sad. There's no REAL posting schedule, because I'll probably be working on this when AKG makes me upsetti spaghetti. Anyway, look forward to the next bit of AKG, the rest of this goofy ass little fic, and the low-key Eldritch!George fic I'm mayhaps working on, too. ;3c Cheers!

Dream skidded to a stop in his sock feet on the hardwood floor, gripping Sapnap's door frame with a wild look in his eye. 

Sapnap looked up from where he was lounging on his bed and scrolling through Twitter, totally nonplussed, and gave Dream a nod. "'Sup?"

"Sap, I need your help," Dream said, a vein of panic entering his tone. "It's about George."

Sapnap's eyes widened in concern for a moment before they flicked over Dream's face, and he relaxed into a relieved heap. "Is this because you finally realized you're super gay for him?"

Dream choked, his eyes going wide. "I-! You-! _What?_ "

Sapnap raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, dude. You've been in love with him for, like, a year. I kinda hoped you'd figure it out before he moved in, but you're kinda thick, so."

"How did you know?" Dream all but shrieked.

"Because you're _constantly_ flirting with him? It's almost exhausting being on call with you two." Sapnap clutched his hands to his chest and fluttered his eyes. " _Oh, George, you're so smart and talented and handsome. Geooooorge, come play this game with me. George, let's watch a movie. George, George, George._ "

Dream glared at him. "It's a bit! You flirt with him, too!"

"You flirt with him off camera, though," Sapnap pointed out. "Besides, are you really homies if you're not at least a little gay for each other?"

"You and I aren't gay for each other."

"Dream, we cuddle while watching rom coms and hold hands at the grocery store," Spanap said, sounding almost offended. "We're a little gay for each other."

"That's different!" Dream dismissed, raking a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Yeah, cuz you're not in love with me," Sapnap said, not bothering to hide the fact that he was on the verge of laughter. "Obviously it's gonna be different."

Dream let out a groan and then finally crossed the room to flop down face first over the foot of Sapnap's bed. His arms and legs hung over either side like the freakish giant he was and he feebly kicked his feet. "I can't believe I'm in love with George," he pouted. 

"Why? Literally everyone else can."

"Because it's _George._ "

"What's wrong with George?" Sapnap demanded, suddenly feeling weirdly defensive of his friend. 

Dream rolled his eyes. "There's obviously nothing wrong with George, idiot. But how am I supposed to act around him now?"

"The exact same way you were before?" Sapnap said, his tone adding a very loud silent _duh_ at the end of the sentence. "You were already in love with him before. The only thing that's different now is you can do something about it." Dream made a loud panicked choking noise and Sapnap quickly backtracked. "Or not! Don't do anything about it! Jesus!"

"This is the first time I've had a crush on a dude, forgive me for wanting some time for adjustment." Sapnap made a little noise sounding surprised for the first time, and Dream lifted his head to give him a funny look. "What?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Sapnap shrugged casually. "I just thought for sure you had a crush on Techno."

" _What_?" Dream shrieked at the top of his lungs. _Why_?"

"Not a real one! Just like a celebrity crush kinda thing!"

"What the fuck!"

"Dude, you laughed at _everything_ he said!"

"He's funny, Sap! It's his fucking job!" 

"I thought you were gonna have an asthma attack the first time he Tweeted you! You don't even _have_ asthma, Dream!"

"Would you two please shut the fuck up?"

The two of them whipped their heads around to see George standing in the doorway, hair a fluffy mess and squinting at them with all the fury in his little heart. Dream made a panicked little yelp and almost faceplanted trying to get to his feet. "George! How long have you been standing there? What did you hear?"

George gave him a suspicious, sleepy little glare. "Just the bit where Sap was talking about you having a crush on Techno." Dream wailed loudly, hiding his face in his hands, which George and Sapnap both ignored. "Seriously though. Shut the fuck up. It's too early for this."

Sapnap clucked his tongue, somehow managing to make it sound disappointed. "Dude, it's literally past two in the afternoon."

"So?"

"Dude."

"Well, if it's all the same to you two, I think I'd like to go die now, please," Dream said matter of factly, falling backwards over Sapnap's bed again, his face still hidden in his hands.

"Do not die on my bed. Not cool. Disgusting, actually."

George snorted at their antics, a smile squirming at the corners of his mouth. "I don't care what you do, just make sure it's quiet for, like, at least another half hour. I'm having breakfast."

"Again, I cannot emphasize enough that it's two PM."

"I cannot emphasize enough how much I don't care."

"I want breakfast," Dream piped up. "George, make me breakfast."

George's eyebrows shot up. "Yeah, sure. I'll bust out all my culinary skills. You want Poptarts straight out of the box or mostly stale cereal?"

"Ooh, George, you spoil me."

"I seriously have no idea why you thought you'd have any issues with this development, dude," Sapnap laughed, leaning over to pat Dream on the shoulder. "Just keep it up."

Dream glared at him. "Get out."

"You're the one in _my_ room. You're _both_ in my room."

"I meant out of my house."

"I pay rent, bitch. You can't kick me out."

"Get a new place at the end of the lease."

"Sure, but only if you haven't fallen madly in love with me by then."

"You two are so fucking annoying I swear to God." 

Sapnap and Dream turned back to the door to see George still standing there watching them, the fist in front of his mouth doing a really shitty job at hiding his smile. "Dude, you literally chose to live with us," Sapnap said flatly. "You knew what you were getting into."

Dream rolled onto his side and propped his cheek on his fist. "Yeah, Georgie. You moved _countries_ just to be with us."

"Crossed a whole ocean."

_"Five_ whole time zones."

"Left his whole life behind."

"Too true. And you know what we call that, Sappy?"

Dream craned his neck to lock eyes with Sapnap upside down and Sapnap's grin grew three sizes. "I dunno, Dreamie. What do we call that?"

Dream turned his gaze back to George and a far too self-satisfied smirk curled over his mouth. "Simping."

Sapnap howled while George spluttered. "I am _not_ -"

"You're simping, George!" Sapnap cackled. "You were simping for us so hard you moved countries just to hang out with us! You can't deny it!"

George tried to protest, but was quickly overwhelmed by Dream and Sapnap chanting simp over and over again. Instead he rolled his eyes. "I'm leaving," he announced, heading back down the hall.

"Yeah!" Dream and Sapnap cheered victoriously, fists in the air.

"I'm making pancakes and neither of you are getting any."

_"No!"_


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems kind of stupid to have a DVD collection in 2021 anyway."
> 
> "Fuck off," George laughed, shoving Sapnap in the shoulder. Sapnap followed the movement and fell back into his previous position. They were both quiet for a moment before George said, "I was lying earlier."
> 
> "What, about owning Jurassic Park?"
> 
> George rolled his eyes. "No, idiot. About what I overheard you and Dream talking about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boarderline crack fic can have little a emotional impact. As a treat. 
> 
> Anywho, this is another chunk that I banged out in a fit of emotion, but this time because I was EXCITED!! I've finally made a breakthrough on the prison break fic!! At the moment, I have two more fics planned for A King's Gambit: One a little purple prose-y prequel thing explaining some of George's whole deal and finally the prison break and fall out fic as the finale. The finale will be a BIT longer than the rest of the fics in the series, but probably nothing TOO big. We'll have to see. I'm hoping to have this fic and a King's Gambit done by the 9th so I can dedicate myself fully to the Big Bang I'm working on! 
> 
> If you want to check out that Big Bang, pretty please check us out at dsmp-bigbang.tumblr.com
> 
> If you wanna talk to me or just see random little updates and reblogged MCYT stuff, follow me at summerflingsandthings.tumblr.com 
> 
> Cheers!

After everyone had eaten their pancake lunch ("For the last time: that was not breakfast." "Fuck you, yes it was. Dream, tell him-" "Dream doesn't get an opinion. This is between me and you, bitch.") Dream announced that he had some errands to run. Seeing as Sapnap and George were both too lazy to be bothered to join him, the two found themselves in the living room alone. George was sat curled up in a ball on one end of the couch, scribbling furiously in his mod ideas notebook with Sapnap stretched out across the entire rest of it. Every now and then he'd reach over and nudge George's hip with a socked foot just to be a dick, but George hadn't stabbed him with a pen, so he figured he was probably safe. Sure, every time it happened, he gave Sapnap a glare cold enough to deep freeze lava, but he hadn't actually _done_ anything to stop the assault, so Sapnap counted that as a win. 

"I wanna watch Jurassic Park," Sapnap proclaimed loudly for no real reason other than to break the silence. 

George glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Then watch it. Nobody's stopping you."

"It's not on Netflix anymore," Sapnap huffed. "They've only got the weird cartoon shows now."

"Why do you just know that off the top of your head?"

"I have an inherent knowledge of when Jurassic Park is on a streaming service. It's a special skill."

"A wildly useful one, I'm sure," George said dryly. Then he rolled his eyes. "Fine, then just watch it on DVD."

"Who the fuck owns DVDs these days?"

George shrugged. "I brought over a whole collection."

"You have a _DVD collection?"_ Sapnap asked incredulously. "Sometimes you remind me how ancient you are and it blows my mind."

George scowled at him, cheeks a little pink. " _Yes_ , I do, you infant. If you're going to be a dick about it, I won't let you use it to watch your dumb dinosaur movie."

Sapnap sat up eagerly. "So, you own them? Hell yeah, dinosaur time." Sapnap was already on his feet, ready to invade George's room when George made a little noise that stopped him in his tracks. Sapnap narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"I just remembered that all my DVDs are going to be region locked," George said, genuinely apologetic. "I mean, we could just use my DVD player, but that's in storage and Dream has the car."

Sapnap groaned and all but collapsed back onto the couch. "I wouldn't want to have to drive over there and get it anyway," he huffed. "I'll just pirate it or something later."

George hummed in agreement. "I'll probably wind up going to get it eventually. It seems kinda stupid to have a DVD collection and no way to actually watch it, now that I think about it."

"It seems kind of stupid to have a DVD collection in 2021 anyway."

"Fuck off," George laughed, shoving Sapnap in the shoulder. Sapnap followed the movement and fell back into his previous position. They were both quiet for a moment before George said, "I was lying earlier."

"What, about owning Jurassic Park?"

George rolled his eyes. "No, idiot. About what I overheard you and Dream talking about."

Sapnap clucked his tongue. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Well, I mean, not all of it," George shrugged. "Really I just heard the gist of it. The only part I actually heard was the bit about Techno."

"Huh." Sapnap gave George a look over, surprised to see that he didn't seem even remotely tense. He was still just curled up in his little ball, seemingly paying more attention to his notebook than the conversation. "Are you, uh, going to do anything about it?"

"Absolutely not," George said immediately like he already had his answer scripted out. At Sapnap's surprised look he added, "I mean, now that I know he knows he's interested I might start dropping more obvious hints, but that's it. I'm not taking the first step. It's gotta be him." 

"Gonna be honest, I'm not sure how well he's going to pick up on hints. He's not really the best at this kind of stuff."

George gave a sharp snort, sounding almost irritated. Then he sighed, like he was disappointed in himself for being irritated. "Trust me. I know."

Sapnap sighed as well. "Just- Just give him a little time. This is apparently the first time he's had a crush on a guy."

George jerked his head and gave Sapnap a startled look. "I thought he had a crush on Techno."

"Yeah, same. Apparently not. According to him, at least."

"Fair."

"Course, he's been in love with you for, like, a year and didn't notice, so he definitely could have just missed the memo."

George's cheeks went pink at that. "Shut up."

"Ahw, is wddle Georgie embawassed ovew his cwush?" Sapnap cooed.

George blushed more and leaned his head back with a groan. "No. No, just shut up. For the love of God."

Sapnap grinned but let the subject drop. Kind of. "So, you're _really_ not gonna say anything?"

George scoffed. "Hell no I'm not. I've had crushes on straight boys before, and you _never_ want to make the first move. They'll spook like some kind of horse."

"If he likes you then he's not straight, dumbass."

"Yeah, but he _thought_ he was straight, like, this morning," George pointed out. "That's too recent. I don't trust straight boys like that."

"Wait a minute, _I'm_ a straight boy," Sapnap pouted. George just hummed and gave him a closed mouthed smile, so he gave a sour look right back, trying not to laugh. "Dude, you're such a dick."

George stretched and flopped against the back of the couch, arms crossed over his eyes. "You'll live."

George looked far too comfortable and pleased with himself, so Sapnap stretched out his leg to dig his toes in between George's ribs. George yelped loudly and smacked Sapnap's foot away with a harsh glare. "Well, if you _really_ plan on waiting for Dream to talk to you first, I hope you're prepared to die alone," Sapnap warned. "I mean, I love the guy, but he can be an absolute god at dodging conflicts if he wants to."

George rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I've been prepared to die alone since I realized I immediately caught feelings for the most blissfully oblivious person to walk the Earth."

Sapnap raised his eyebrows. "That long, huh?"

George grimaced. "Yup. That long."

"That sucks, man," Sapnap said, and George gave him a wry smile. "What if he was never into you? Couldn't you, like, pick someone else to like? Eventually, I mean."

George bit the insides of his lips, contemplating for a moment. "No, I really don't think I could."

Sapnap whistled lowly. "That _really_ sucks." George gave him an unimpressed look, and he just shrugged helplessly. "Sorry, man, I got nothing. Like, what am I supposed to say to that?"

George huffed. "Yeah, I guess that's fair."

Sapnap opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by the sound of the front door opening. "I'm home!" Dream shouted as he stomped inside. He paused in the kitchen just long enough to put down the couple grocery bags he had, then all but vaulted over the back of the couch to sit between Sapnap and George. 

"Dude, you almost broke my legs!" Sapnap squawked, glaring at Dream with his legs curled up to his chest defensively. 

Dream waved his hand through the air dismissively. "Yeah, but I didn't. Now, what are my two favorite people talking about?" he asked flinging his arms around Sapnap and George's shoulders and pulling them into his sides.

George was wide-eyed and flushed at the sudden action and question, so Sapnap cut in. "Jurassic Park. I wanna watch it but it's not on Netflix and George's dumb British DVDs won't work here."

Dream gave him a funny look. "Just buy it on Amazon then."

"It'll take, like, at least two days to get here," Sapnap pointed out. "Plus I was just hazing George for even having a DVD collection. I'm not about to start my own."

"You won't have to if you buy it on Amazon video."

"Oh, right!" George snorted, so Sapnap leaned around Dream to scowl at him. "You didn't remember either, bitch."

George cheerfully flipped him off and Dream laughed. "Come on, I wanna watch dinosaurs eat children," Dream said.

"The kids don't get eaten in these movies," Sapnap corrected.

"Boo."

"Shut the fuck up and play the movie."


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George rolled his eyes, but he got this dumb little smile on his face as he looked up at Dream. "What? You want me to kiss it better?"
> 
> Dream immediately froze, went white as a sheet and then flushed bright red. "George!" he squawked, sounding scandalized. 
> 
> George's smile grew and he stepped forward to be right in Dream's personal space, eyebrows arching right up to his hairline. "What? I'm not about to apologize, so that seems to be the next best thing. Do you not want a kiss?"
> 
> "What?" Dream shouted at the top of his lungs. "Wh-haaat?" He gave Sapnap a panicked look before looking back down at George. "George, what?"
> 
> George actually bit his lip when he grinned up at Dream this time and Sapnap could practically feel his soul leave his body. "You're too easy sometimes, Dreamy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!!! Welcome to chapter THREE baybe! This one goes out to all the bitches out there who just love that good, good serotonin and also love seeing Dream act like a fucking moron. Plus more cattiness with George and Sapnap is always gonna be my cup of tea. Also, if you took a shot every time I misspelled George while I type, you'd be dead! Hooray!
> 
> General updates! I'm pretty sure most of you who read this also read my series A King's Gambit and the first fic in that series just broke FIVE HUNDRED kudos! And the series has over 100 bookmarks! (Side note, if you put a comment on your public bookmark, I see it. I see all) Those are god damn stupid numbers!! If y'all keep this up I'm ghb gonna start thinking I'm good at writing or something lol. Anyway, as a celebration, the first chapter of the finale will be posted on Tuesday! That's right, the first chapter. >:3 
> 
> Also! My Tumblr is still going as is the Big Bang I'm hosting! The sign up forms open on the 10th!! Please check them out!!
> 
> Tumblr: summerflingsandthings.tumblr.com  
> Big Bang: dsmp-bigbang.tumblr.com

"George, can I _please_ just go home? Fuck, I'll walk at this point."

George leveled a glare at Sapnap. "No. You get to stay the whole time. Don't make me tell you to put your hand on the trolley again."

"It's not fair," Sapnap grumbled, but he did in fact reach out and grab the buggy. "I went shopping last week. It's your turn."

"This is a _punishment_ ," George said, staring down at the carton of eggs in his hands. "Last time you went shopping, you insisted you didn't need a list, forgot half of the shit you came for, and instead brought home three different flavors of ice cream and Minecraft cereal. You get to go on every shopping trip until I trust that you can get groceries like an adult and not some overgrown man child with too big a budget."

"I couldn't _not_ buy the Creeper cereal. That would have been, like, illegal," Sapnap pouted, crossing his arms, but George just ignored him. "Okay, fine. Then why the hell is Dream here?"

"I just wanted to get out of the house," Dream said with a casual shrug, looking big and dumb in his stupid UCF hoodie and his six foot whatever height. "Plus George can't reach the top shelf."

Without missing a beat, George reared back and kicked Dream in the ankle, making him let out a yelp and bounce up and down on his uninjured foot, and Sapnap snickered. "Keep acting like that and you can't have your stupid popsicles," George warned, looking completely unrepentant over Dream's suffering.

"George," Dream whined,dragging out the syllables. "That _hurt_."

George rolled his eyes, but he got this dumb little smile on his face as he looked up at Dream. "What? You want me to kiss it better?"

Dream immediately froze, went white as a sheet and then flushed bright red. " _George_!" he squawked, sounding scandalized. 

George's smile grew and he stepped forward to be right in Dream's personal space, eyebrows arching right up to his hairline. "What? I'm not about to apologize, so that seems to be the next best thing. Do you not want a kiss?"

"What?" Dream shouted at the top of his lungs. " _Wh-haaat_?" He gave Sapnap a panicked look before looking back down at George. "George, _what_?"

George actually bit his lip when he grinned up at Dream this time and Sapnap could practically feel his soul leave his body. "You're too easy sometimes, Dreamy."

Instead of answering like a normal person, Dream turned on his heel and all but marched away down the aisle. "We need milk!" he announced to the entire store. "I'll get it!"

As soon as Dream was out of sight, George's demeanor collapsed down on itself and his coy smirk turned into a frown and Sapnap cackled. George gave him a withering look that only made him laugh harder. "Literally fuck off."

"That's what you get for pulling that shit in front of me," Sapnap countered. "I am literally standing right here."

"Die, then."

Sapnap flipped him off with a cheerful grin that George returned. "Seriously, dude. Don't you think you're laying it on a _little_ thick?"

"Have you met Dream?" George scoffed. "I'll buy you a coffee if he actually understands that I was flirting with him for real just then."

"Touche."

"I have milk!" Dream announced bounding up to them like an eager dog, gallon of milk in hand. "2 percent, right, Georgie?"

George's mild frustration from before melted back into bright fondness. Sapnap almost wanted to whistle at the display, but he was pretty sure George wasn't acting, he was just totally whipped. "Yeah, thanks, Dream."

Dream looked like George had just handed over a million dollar check and Sapnap rolled his eyes so hard spots danced in his vision. "Okay, can we go then?"

"Yes, fine, we can leave, you toddler," George scoffed. 

"Wait, no, I wanna look at those jackets first!" Dream protested.

"Why do you even need another jacket? It's summer in Florida and you already have like a dozen," Sapnap complained, but George and Dream were already flipping through the nearby circular rack of hoodies, so he joined them. "Get this one."

George cast a cursory glance at the hoodie Sapnap was holding and shook his head. "Red isn't his color."

"How would you know? You can't even see it."

"That's exactly why it's not a good color on him."

"You think he looks fine in green."

"That's because green looks yellow and he looks nice in yellow."

Dream made a pained noise and stared at the ceiling, cheeks flaming red and looking like he kind of wished he was literally anywhere else. "Guys, look, I-"

"Oh my god." Sapnap whipped his head around at the interruption to see a teenage girl standing at the entrance to one of the freezer aisles, eyes flickering between Sapnap and George and occasionally up to Dream, obvious recognition in her eyes. "Are- Are you-?"

Simultaneously, George and Sapnap locked eyes, then glanced at the girl, then locked eyes again. George had this wild, slightly feral look in his eyes that Sapnap had never really seen there before, and he wasn't sure if he trusted it. George frantically looked up at Dream who was kind of just frozen there in a mild panic as they were cautiously approached by a teenager who was looking at them like they were wild animals. George and Dream both kind of looked like wild animals, and the thing about terrified wild animals is that they're unpredictable. Sapnap had no idea what either of them were about to do and so you have to be ready for just about anything.

Which is why he was only mildly surprised when George bodily tackled Dream into the little round rack of clothes.

"Um, sorry? I guess?" Sapnap looked up from where he had buried his face in his hands to see the girl had finally crossed the dozen feet between them. She was biting her lips around very obvious laughter as she glanced between Sapnap and the rack of clothes. "Um, you are Sapnap, right?"

"Yup, that's me. Sapnap," he said with the most charming grin he could muster, which wasn't as high quality as it could have been due to the amount of secondhand embarrassment he was suffering from, standing next to a half-full grocery cart and a clothing display his best friend had just tackled his other best friend into. With witnesses. "Just me. At Walmart. By myself. Shopping alone."

The girl choked on a snort and her eyes crinkled up in mirth. "Right," she agreed, trying valiantly and failing to keep a straight face. "Just you. Perfectly normal." She burst out into giggles, folding over on herself before standing upright. "Uh, well, it's- it's really cool to meet you. I've only been watching for a little while, but all of you guys are really funny. My friend is gonna be super jealous when she finds out I met you. And definitely only you."

Sapnap laughed. "Yeah. It was really good meeting you, too. Do you wanna take a selfie?"

"Yes!" she said, the word tripping over itself in her eagerness to get it out. She flushed but Sapnap just gave her a reassuring smile. They took their selfie, angling it so that the clothing rack was halfway visible in the background, and she clutched the phone to her chest like it was the most precious thing she'd ever held. "Thank you!" she gushed, the words slightly breathless.

"No problem!" Sapnap bit his lip then hesitantly said, "And, uh, if you have any other photos, please don't, like, post them anywhere, okay? Maybe don't even share them with anyone?"

"I didn't get any other photos, and even if I did, I definitely wouldn't post them," she promised. Her eyes sparkled mischievously as she added, "Besides, you were here by yourself, and if you weren't I'm pretty sure George would have reacted too fast for me anyway."

There was a loud snort from the clothes rack, which Sapnap ignored. "Thanks. Like seriously. It means a lot."

"No problem," the girl echoed. "Uh, but seeing as Dream and George aren't here, would you maybe mind passing along a message? I really like their videos, too. It was, uh, nice to meet them in spirit?"

"Thanks, you too!" Dream's loud, cheerful voice called from the rack, followed by the dull thud of a hand smacking a chest. "Ow! George, what the fu-"

"Shut _up_!"

Sapnap hid his face in his hands again while the girl laughed. With tears in her eyes, she gave Sapnap a bright smile. "Seriously, thanks. It was super cool meeting you. I hope you have a nice shopping trip!" And then she was walking away with one last wave over her shoulder. 

When she was completely out of sight, Sapnap pulled apart the curtain of clothes with a weak scowl. George was straddling Dream's torso, arms folded across his chest and scowling, completely unrepentant while Dream was laid out flat on his back, hands covering his face while he shook with silent laughter. "You can come out now."

Instead of doing that, Dream let out the full-bodied laugh he'd obviously been holding in the whole time. Sapnap was pretty sure the girl could hear it from however many aisles away she had managed to escape. Sapnap rolled his eyes.

"You're so annoying," George said hotly. 

"George, you _tackled_ me," Dream said, barely able to get the words out with the way they quivered with laughter. He eventually moved his hands away from his face to place them on George's hips. "Like you were in the Secret Service or something."

"Well, it didn't look like anyone else had any bright ideas!"

"No, no! I was impressed," Dream insisted, looking up at George with this dumb, goofy grin like he was the best thing ever. "I didn't know you had it in you."

Sapnap had valiantly refrained from gagging so far but he drew the line at the soft blush and gentle smile George was directing down at Dream. There were just some things he couldn't actually bear to watch. "Hey, for real? Hate to interrupt whatever weird moment you two have going on, but we seriously need to get a move on. The popsicles are gonna melt."

Dream froze and Sapnap could see the exact moment he realized where he was. His face flushed scarlet with the force of a freight train and he ripped his hands off George's hips like they burned. He started squirming around like he was trying to get George off of him without actually putting his hands back on him. "Right. Um, yeah. Gotta- popsicles. Shit. _Fuck_. Uh, sorry. Sorry, George. I'll, um. Right!"

George rolled his eyes and gave Sapnap a weak glare, but he got back to his feet. "Yeah. Popsicles. Right."

Dream shot to his feet immediately after, and danced in place awkwardly looking between the two of them for some kind of sign that he obviously didn't find. "Um, I'm gonna… go wait in the car. Right. Bye."

Sapnap sucked his teeth as they silently watched Dream power walk away, nearly running into a pole as he went. "Well, I personally think that could have gone a lot worse."

George gave him a flat look. "It really really couldn't have."

"Yeah, no, it really couldn't have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For real though, thank you al sososo much. Your support has been straight up bonkers and it makes me a VERY happy gal


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap plopped his head on Dream's shoulder and wrinkled his nose at how much farther Dream's legs reached than his. "Dude, why are you so freakishly long?"
> 
> The wheeze that erupted out of Dream sounded almost startled and he nearly doubled over on himself. "Weren't we having, like, a moment or something?"
> 
> "We were until I realized that you're actually a freak of nature."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello! Welcome back! The eagle eyed among you may have noticed that the chapter count went from 6 to 7. That's not because I suddenly got inspired to write a seventh part, it's strictly because I am a Dumb Bitch who cannot count. Good day. Also! I have almost all of this fic written all ready, so we're gonna crank this puppy out and have it done on Valentine's Day, which means a chapter every day until then. Hooray! In addition, we're actually getting to the climax of the story so ALL of the next chapters are gonna have a LITTLE emotional value. Tragically we can't stay on the Goof Train forever.
> 
> In other news! Sign ups for the Big Bang have started!! I'm sosososo excited!!!! We already have over two hundred people signed up and I'd love for you guys to participate as well! The sign up post is pinned on the blog!! Also, I still have my personal Tumblr, but that is not NEARLY as important.
> 
> Tumblr: summerflingsandthings.tumblr.com   
> Big Bang: dsmp-bigbang.tumblr.com

One good thing about the fact that Sapnap had known Dream since middle school is that when they all made it home he only had to lock eyes with Dream and jerk his head to know that Dream would follow along behind him like a puppy that knew it was about to get scolded. So he led the way down the hall to Dream's room because that was the farthest one from the office, and plopped himself right down on the bed like he belonged there. Sure enough, Dream shuffled in behind him, shoulders up around his ears and refusing to make eye contact. 

"I personally think that could have gone a  _ lot _ worse," Dream said in a falsely chipper tone. 

"It really _ really _ couldn't have."

Dream groaned and collapsed into the overstuffed secondhand armchair he'd shoved in the corner immediately after moving in. "Sap, this is hard," he whined, dragging out the last word. He paused and gave Sapnap a stupid little grin. "Pun not intended, but not unwelcome."

Sapnap sighed and drug a hand down his face. He glared at Dream but it was honestly weakened with the affection bubbling in his chest. "Okay, we've got to get this straightened out. I don't know if I can actually withstand having to give my best friend tips for wooing my other best friend for very long."

"Well, I don't think it's ever gonna be 'straightened out' between me and George," Dream quipped with a grin that was far too wide and self-satisfied, so Sapnap threw a pillow at him. 

"Seriously, though, you have  _ got _ to get better at not losing your shit when George flirts with you," Sapnap continued. "Like, you've definitely got the part where you flirt with him down pat, which is already gross enough to watch, but every time he does anything even close to flirting with you, you get all flustered and start yelling 'what' over and over again. I'm pretty sure George thinks it's funny or cute or whatever, but I'm dying of secondhand embarrassment." Dream said nothing, but as Sapnap watched his cheeks grew progressively redder. Sapnap hid his face with a groan. "Oh my God, you're thinking about George flirting with you, aren't you?" 

"You're the one who brought it up!" Dream said defensively. 

"We're problem solving!" Sapnap squawked. "Not daydreaming about your boyfriend flirting with you!"

Dream smashed the pillow Sapnap threw at him over his face. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Yeah, and he never will be at the rate you're going."

Dream pouted at him. “There’s no need to be a dick about it.”

“Dude, I had to stand there and pretend nothing was happening while George practically eye fucked you in front of the cheese. I’ll be as mean as I want.”

“He was not  _ eye fucking  _ me,” Dream scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

_ Guess George isn't buying me that coffee. _ "Are you serious?" Sapnap asked. "That poor man was flirting with you to, like, an embarrassing degree."

"It's a joke!"

"Dream, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but  _ nobody _ flirts like that for a joke," Sapnap said firmly. "That's how literally everyone on the planet realized you were in love with George before you did. He's in love with your dumb ass, too!"

"As if."

"Oh my god. Dream, I swear you're like the-"

"Sapnap, stop." Sapnap looked up at Dream's tone and his eyes widened at the sight. Dream was… not having a good time with this conversation. He had his fingers tangled so tight that it looked painful and his eyebrows were pinched together over a tight little frown. "Look, I- I know that it's probably embarrassing having to deal with me while I'm dealing with this, but don't-" Dream cut himself off with a sharp huff. "Don't say stuff like that. It's not cool, man."

"Dream," Sapnap said gently. Dream looked up and gave him the saddest puppy dog face a man could make on accident, so he opened his arms. "Come here, dude." Dream got to his feet and shuffled across the room until he was standing next to the bed looking down at Sapnap and hesitating like a moron. Sapnap rolled his eyes and tugged on his hand until they were sitting next to one another against the headboard with their legs stretched out in front of them. Sapnap plopped his head on Dream's shoulder and wrinkled his nose at how much farther Dream's legs reached than his. "Dude, why are you so freakishly long?"

The wheeze that erupted out of Dream sounded almost startled and he nearly doubled over on himself. "Weren't we having, like, a moment or something?"

"We were until I realized that you're actually a freak of nature."

Dream continued to chuckle and grinned down at him. Sapnap tried very hard not to feel ridiculously proud of himself for that. "Maybe you're just short."

"Dude, George and I are  _ both _ average height. Do you have, like, a  _ thin _ _g_ for people being shorter than you?" Sapnap suddenly paled. "I swear to god if you answer that I will  _ never  _ forgive you." 

Dream broke into another bout of cackling, but didn't answer the question like the good person he was deep down. Sapnap just huffed his own little laugh out of his nose and leaned more heavily into Dream's side. "You do know I'm not, like, fucking with you, right?" he asked, finally breaking the gentle silence that had fallen over them. "About George and stuff, I mean."

Dream tended, but forced himself to relax. He started to tie his fingers in knots again, so Sapnap casually reached over and took one of his hands in his own. He smiled when Dream squeezed his silent thanks. "I know you're not deliberately fucking with me. You'd never be  _ that _ much of a dick on purpose," Dream said slowly like he was picking out every word one by one. "But, like. It doesn't make sense. There's no  _ way  _ George likes me like that, man. And as much as it tears me up inside, I don't want to ruin my friendship with him because of it."

"Why do you think he couldn't like you?" Sapnap asked, furrowing his brow. "He literally moved across an ocean just to live with you without even knowing what you looked like. That's. That's wack, dude. And plus, you're, like, super hot, too so there's that."

"No offense, but I'm not sure how much I value a straight guy's opinion on how hot I am."

Sapnap made a disgusted little noise and scowled. "Heterophobia is actually real, but only in this house and only by you and George. You two assholes deserve each other." Dream snickered and Sapnap rolled his eyes with a smile. "But seriously, dude. George really does like you."

"Yeah, Sapnap. Sure."

Sapnap's eyes shot up into his hairline and he used his free hand to pinch the back of Dream's and ignored the resulting yelp. "You know, I didn't want to play this card because I was hoping you'd be an adult about this but I guess that was asking too much."

"Yeah? What card is that?"

"Believe it or not, I'm actually best friends with  _ both _ the people in this little kerfuffle, and have to listen to both of them whining about it." Dream froze and Sapnap felt a victorious smirk form on his face. "Yeah, you didn't think you were Georgie's  _ only _ best friends, did you?" There was a beat of silence before Sapnap let out an offended squawk and sat straight up. "You dickhead, you  _did_ ! George and I have a relationship outside of  _ you _ , you know!"

Dream was giggling madly at his side for a bit until he managed to grasp out a "Sorry. Sorry. No, I know you two are friends, I was just messing with you." Sapnap grumbled under his breath, but leaned back into Dream's side to show his forgiveness. And then a thought occurred to him.

"Okay, but you have to promise me one thing," Sapnap demanded, only half joking. "When you and George start dating you can't just leave me out of everything. You both still gotta hang out with me."

"Of course," Dream said immediately, his tone suddenly very serious. "Sap, you're my best friend. I'm not ditching you no matter who I date. I love you, man."

Sapnap's face split open in a wide smile. "Yeah?"

"Absolutely," Dream said with a nod. "Bros before hoes always."

Sapnap laughed. "What about when the bros are the hoes?"

"Even when the bros are the hoes."

Sapnap laughed, the sound loud and bright and echoing off the walls of the little room. "You're so dumb, dude. I have no idea what George sees in you."

"Well, according to one source I'm 'like, super hot,' so I've got that going for me."

Sapnap elbowed him a little, but was still grinning. "So, with all this new information, are you going to actually do something about your thing for George?"

Dream let out a defeated sigh, but when he spoke Sapnap could hear the way his voice pitched up with hope. "Yeah, I mean, there's no excuse not to, right? I think I've got pretty good odds, at least."

Sapnap nodded seriously, biting his lips to keep them from splitting open in a grin. "Yeah, they're at least better than one in seven trillion."

"Dude!" Dream spluttered indignantly. "You are  _ such  _ a dick!"

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though. You guys should sign up. We're doing a meet the mods post tomorrow if you wanna see that, too. Also, I'm gonna be signing up as an author AND a beta, so be looking forward to THAT


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scowling, Sapnap pulled out his phone and called Dream on speaker. As soon as the line clicked on he started talking. "Bitch."
> 
> "What the fuck? Did you really just call me just to call me a bitch?" Dream asked, his voice quivering with laughter. The sales attendant at the kiosk gave them a halfhearted glare, so Sapnap shot an apologetic wave and led George away.
> 
> "There's a whole ass Jurassic Park area in Universal that you never told me about," Sapnap accused, plopping down on the wall of the fountain. "Not once. Dude, what the actual hell?"
> 
> "Oh, yeah. There is. I forgot about that."
> 
> "You forgot?" Sapnap seethed. "Fuck this. We're not friends anymore. George is my only homie now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaayyyy, back at it again! This is actually my favorite chapter of the whole thing, despite the fact that it's probably the stupidest one. But that's my business. Also, I just randomly decided to make Sapnap obsessed with Jurassic Park because they're the best movies ever and my boy deserves the best. Have some George & Sapnap bonding, my ducklings!
> 
> As always, personal Tumblr and Big Bang are happening!! Nobody has followed my personal Tumblr in AGES but the Big Bang has well over 200 participants which makes me feel better. You can make me feel even BETTER better by signing up, too? :D
> 
> Tumblr: summerflingsandthings.tumblr.com   
> Big Bang: dsmp-bigbang.tumblr.com

The thing about living with someone who grew up in Florida and someone else who grew up in a completely different country is that the one who grew up somewhere else still managed to be completely enchanted by the things the Florida native found mind-numbingly boring at this point in his life and refused to partake in. And being as Sapnap was neither of those roles, he usually wound up being the one to take George to see all the dumb tourist things because, hell he was kinda into them, too. Most recently, George had developed a fascination for the giant tourist trap gift shops, particularly ones with giant animals with their mouths open acting as the entrance. This wasn't exactly the most thrilling for Sapnap, if he was being honest, but in the DreamHouse what George wanted George usually got, and try as Sapnap might to deny it, Dream wasn't the only one with a weak will.

Fortunately, the one George picked today was actually pretty interesting. It was less a single gift shop and more an outdoor shopping center with three different gift shops and a smoothie stand around a central plaza scattered with even more little kiosks full of garbage and a giant water fountain in the middle of it all. 

"Sap, look at this!"

Sapnap turned to see what George was showing him and frowned around the straw of his smoothie. "Not sure that's kosher, dude."

George pouted and looked down at the shirt he was holding up to his chest that said 'I died in Hurricane George.' "What's wrong with it?" he demanded. "You want to tell me that you Americans just name storms after people and you expect me to not want to collect hurricane merchandise with my name on it?"

Sapnap clucked his tongue. "Yeah, but, like. People  _ do _ die in hurricanes. It feels like a bit of a dick move to just joke about that."

George just pouted more. "Dream would think it's funny."

"You can't just say Dream would disagree every time I say something you don't like," Sapnap said, rolling his eyes. "Like, what do you think you're going to accomplish? Why would I care that Dream would let you have your way? We know he's, like, your biggest simp. Obviously he's gonna do whatever you say."

George shrugged nonchalantly, but he wasn't able to hide the way his cheeks flushed and a sappy smile started to form. Sapnap was only marginally more successful at hiding the way he gagged at the sight. "It's worth a shot," George hummed. "Maybe one day my pretty boy charms will get through to you, and you'll also fall in love with me. Then it will be a simp-off between you and Dream and I can get whatever I want."

Sapnap snickered so hard his smoothie almost shot up through his nose. As it was, his eyes were left watering from the sting of liquid going the wrong way down his esophagus. "You fucking wish dude. You may be pretty but you're annoying as hell."

"Just your type then," George grinned. "Also, I seriously do want this shirt. I don't care what you say."

"Look, at least, like, Google it to make sure that it wasn't some devastating hurricane like Katrina or something."

"Fine." 

Sapnap watched quietly as George tucked the shirt under one arm and pulled out his phone. He typed for a moment, then scrolled, then pursed his lips and put the shirt back. "That bad?" Sapnap wheezed.

"Technically it was Hurricane  _ Georges _ not George, but yeah. Definitely a probably bad thing to joke about."

"Sorry, man," Sapnap said sympathetically. "It could have been pretty funny if it weren't for all the real dead people."

"I should get a custom one that says Sapnap on it."

"Weird flex, but okay."

George rolled his eyes and shoved Sapnap on the shoulder. "Shove off."

"Hmm, what was that?" Sapnap grinned. "Sorry, Gogy, I don't speak Britanese."

George opened his mouth to say something, but he caught sight of something over Sapnap's shoulder which was apparently much more interesting. "Sap! Look!" he said, frantically smacking Sapnap's arm and with one hand and pointing with the other. "They have Jurassic Park shit over there!"

Sapnap turned and barked out a laugh. "Holy shit they do!" He bounded over to the nearby kiosk, looking over everything. "This stuff looks like it's Universal themed or something."

"D'you think Universal has, like, a Jurassic Park area?"

"I dunno. Maybe."

George started tapping on his phone again, then looked up with wide eyes. "They  _ do _ !"

"No way!" Sapnap grabbed George's wrist to get a look at his screen. Sure enough, there were several different links and a slideshow of pictures. "Oh my god, it's got a T-Rex and everything."

"Dream never mentioned it to you?"

"No!" Sapnap shouted, betrayal coloring his tone. "He didn't!"

"Bastard."

"Bastard is right." Scowling, Sapnap pulled out his phone and called Dream on speaker. As soon as the line clicked on he started talking. "Bitch."

_ "What the fuck? Did you really just call me just to call me a bitch?" _ Dream asked, his voice quivering with laughter. The sales attendant at the kiosk gave them a halfhearted glare, so Sapnap shot an apologetic wave and led George away.

"There's a whole ass Jurassic Park area in Universal that you  _ never _ told me about," Sapnap accused, plopping down on the wall of the fountain. "Not once. Dude, what the actual hell?"

_ "Oh, yeah. There is. I forgot about that." _

"You  _ forgot _ ?" Sapnap seethed. "Fuck this. We're not friends anymore. George is my only homie now."

_ "What? That's not fair!" _ Dream whined while George giggled.  _ "George, tell him-" _

"Hell no!" George cut him off, barely controlling his laughter. "He's right. I can't believe there's an opportunity for him to pretend to go to Jurassic Park and you didn't tell him."

_ "It slipped my mind!" _

"You mean like how our entire friendship just slipped my mind?" Sapnap huffed. "Goodbye random stranger whose phone number I have for no reason." He hung up the phone in the middle of Dream's wheezing laugh and grinned at George. "That was dumb."

"That was  _ super _ dumb," George agreed wholeheartedly. "But it was also super funny."

"What's the likelihood that Dream's planning us a trip to Universal now?"

"Hopefully  _ very _ high," George said eagerly. "I still haven't gone."

"Bastard."

"Bastard is right. I suppose I should call him now, then?"

Sapnap snickered. "Nah, we'll give him a break. But we'll definitely bust that guilt card out if he doesn't make the first move."

"Speaking of first moves, I have a question to ask you."

"I thought you said you didn't like making the first move with straight boys."

"Shut up," George laughed. "Seriously, I know the whole thing between me and Dream isn't your favorite subject-"

"Wouldn't be yours either if you had to be the one to coach Dream through his first gay crush," Sapnap interrupted. Then he gave George a suspicious look. "Or maybe you  _ would _ enjoy that. You're a bit of a sadistic little fucker when you want to be."

"Oh my god, actually shut up."

Sapnap blew a raspberry at him. "All right,  _ fine _ . Torture me with your little love affair then."

George shook his head, but he still looked fond and Sapnap was pretty damn sure it wasn't  _ all _ directed at Dream. "It actually involves you. And before you say anything  _ no _ , I'm definitely not inviting you to a threeway." Sapnap just grinned and shrugged, unrepentant. "I'm actually kind of surprised you haven't tried to give me, like, the shovel talk or something."

"Wait, what?" Sapnap furrowed his brow and cocked his head to the side and looked at George like he was a really complicated puzzle. "Why the fuck would I do that?"

George shrugged, looking calm and relaxed as he dipped his fingers in the water but also refusing to meet Sapnap's gaze. "I mean, he's in a kind of vulnerable place, if you think about it. Like you said, this is his first crush on a guy, so he's got no idea what he's doing. It's kind of like baby's first date if you think about it." He finally turned back to Sapnap with his eyebrows up. "And it's no secret that you're a little protective of him. You can be a dick to him, sure, but you get really defensive when other people hurt his feelings. I could hurt his feelings really badly with this."

Sapnap hummed in thought as he sipped his smoothie. It was mostly melted at this point, so, really, it was just cold juice, but that wasn't exactly a problem, seeing as Sapnap was mostly just looking for an excuse to stay quiet. "You could hurt his feelings, but I don't think you're going to," he said eventually. "Like, you said it yourself: He's pretty much it for you. And I know you care about him a lot. You guys are best friends for a reason. I don't think you're going to break his heart for fun or whatever. If you do wind up breaking up with him, I imagine you'd have a really good reason. I don't want Dream hurt, but I'm not going to, like, hold it against you if the two of you don't work out for some reason. I also care a lot about you, dude, and I'm pretty sure if things go south you're going to be just as hurt as he is. I'm not gonna, like, add to that or whatever."

"Oh," George said softly.

"Yeah, 'oh,' dipshit." George looked like he was about to get even deeper and sappier than Sapnap's previous monologue, which was definitely not going to fly, so Sapnap smirked. "Besides, if I'm going to give the shovel talk to either of you, it's gonna be Dream. We both know you're the fragile one here."

George immediately put his hand on Sapnap's shoulder and shoved him so hard he tipped over backwards into the water, which got the attention of one of the managers, which got them kicked out. But Sapnap got the last word and his phone had managed to survive its dousing, so he figured it was all well worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I am personally a Southerner on the Gulf Coast and deal with hurricanes on a regular basis. My friend is not only a Southerner who lives on the Gulf Coast, but was actually made homeless by Hurricane Katrina. We both agreed that the idea of this shirt is super fucking funny, so long as it wasn't a serious hurricane. I own one with my name on it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dude, what the actual fuck?" Sapnap shrieked. "You just threw your phone out the window!"
> 
> "I know!" Dream shouted right back, both hands fisted in his hair. 
> 
> "Why?"
> 
> "I don't know! I panicked!"
> 
> "You need a phone, Dream!"
> 
> "I'll buy a new one!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! This is the shortest chapter, but somehow the most chaotic? Dream honey what you doin? Also, this was the second chapter that got written after the first one! I could just picture it SO vividly and I NEEDED to write it ASAP.
> 
> Edit: Once again AO3 decided to remove all my italics. That's fine. Thank you, AO3 (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) But on the flip side I forgot to shamelessly plug my Tumblr and the Big Bang. I guess that's what I get for posting in the two minute walk from my car to the store 
> 
> Tumblr: summerflingsandthings.tumblr.com   
> Big Bang: dsmp-bigbang.tumblr.com

Two days after Dream barreled into his bedroom in a gay panic for the first time, Sapnap decided that his life would probably greatly improve if Dream never again barreled into his room in a gay panic. Because Dream had just barreled into his room in a gay panic and Sapnap just knew things were about to get messy.

"Sap, the worst possible thing just happened."

Sapnap rolled his shoulders lazily and yawned, but still tossed his phone to the foot of his bed to give Dream his full attention. "Somehow I doubt that, but sure. Hit me."

"I just told George I liked him."

"Holy shit really? Pog!" Sapnap grinned, leaning forward, eyes bright. "Honestly, I thought for sure it'd take you _ages_ to- wait. Why don't you look excited? You should be, like, stupid excited and happy right now. Wait, why are you even here? Where's George? Did something go wrong?" 

Dream grimaced. "Yeah, you could say that."

Sapnap furrowed his brow at the sudden sinking feeling in his chest. "He- He didn't, like, _reject_ you, right?" he asked. Surely there was no way that happened, but he had to _know_.

"Not… exactly," Dream said hesitantly.

"Then what happened?" Dream mumbled something under his breath that Sapnap couldn't hear. "Sorry, what was that?"

"I said I _ran away_ ," Dream moaned. "I told him I liked him and he just looked surprised for a moment and I booked it."

"You _ran away_?" Sapnap squawked. "You just dumped your feelings on him and _left_?"

"Yes!" Dream shouted back, hands clenched tight in his hair. "I panicked and ran away like some big dumb baby."

"Oh my god, dude." Sapnap rubbed his face before he suddenly froze and gave Dream a wide-eyed stare. "Dream. You left him at the park!"

"I know!"

"Dream! George can't drive!"

"I know! I called him an Uber once I got about halfway home."

"Dude! What the actual fuck!"

"I don't know! I wasn't thinking!" Dream yelled, his voice cracking right in half on the last word. "I just- He was just standing there. I didn't- I didn't even _mean_ to say it, it just slipped out. And he just said 'Oh.' I don't know, man. All the sudden I couldn't _breathe_ , and I- I just panicked."

"Dude," Sapnap said softly. Dream looked kind of pathetic still standing there in the doorway, so Sapnap opened his arm and patted the bed next to him. Dream immediately accepted the silent invitation and folded himself up into a ball smaller than any man over six foot had the right to. Sapnap wrapped his arms around him and started petting his hair. "Dude, what happened?"

"I don't even know," Dream said miserably. "Like, everything was going fine, and then all the sudden I just had to run. I couldn't stand there for a second longer."

Sapnap hummed sympathetically, but said, "You know you're going to have to talk to him about this, right?"

"No I don't. I can just move across the country and never speak to him again. I'll have to find a new job, but I'll be fine. I've got enough money to last a little while."

Sapnap rolled his eyes and paused his petting to smack Dream on the back of the head. "Actually shut up, you dramatic moron. Don't even joke about that. You're _going_ to talk to him. I'll make sure of it."

As if summoned by Sapnap's sheer force of will, Dream's phone started ringing, belting out the lyrics to some Katy Perry song George had set to his personal ringtone as a joke. Dream immediately fished it out of his pocket and for a moment they both just stared at the blurry picture of George flipping off the camera that filled the screen. Sapnap held his breath and watched Dream answer and lift the phone to his ear with shaking hands. "Hello?"

" _Dream? What did-"_

And then Dream reared back and threw the phone directly out Sapnap's open window as hard as he could.

"Dude, what the _actual_ fuck?" Sapnap shrieked. "You just threw your phone out the window!"

"I know!" Dream shouted right back, both hands fisted in his hair. 

" _Why_?"

"I don't know! I panicked!"

"You need a phone, Dream!"

"I'll buy a new one!"

Sapnap opened his mouth to retort, but once again the sound of Katy Perry filled the room, this time coming from Sapnap's phone. They both snapped their heads to where it was laying on the bed, then locked eyes. Dream had a familiar feral look in his eyes and Sapnap slowly shook his head. "Dream, don't even think about it. I swear to god."

"I'm sorry it had to come to this," Dream said, serious and repentant, then dove bodily for the foot of the bed.

Fortunately, Sapnap was closer, faster, and already expecting this exact bullshit, so he snatched up his phone and shoved Dream midair so he veered off course and landed too close to the edge of the bed. "George, come get this overgrown dipshit out of my room," he snapped into the receiver, ignoring the yelp and following thump that signaled Dream falling off the bed. "I'm gonna go get some ice cream or something and if you two are still single by the time I get back, you're gonna fucking regret it." 

He hung up before George could reply and turned back to Dream. Dream who was knelt next to the bed with his hands fisted in the comforter, pale and wide-eyed and looking more terrified than Sapnap had ever seen him. Sapnap's heart softened a little at the sight. "You _need_ to talk to him, dude," he said gently. "I know you're freaking out over this, but you've gotta do it. It'll be good for you."

Dream just silently nodded like someone being sent to the gallows and Sapnap sighed, reaching over to tangle his fingers in Dream's hair and gently moving his head back and forth. "It's gonna be okay, Dream. I promise."

Dream was still silent, so Sapnap just gave him one more supportive pat on the head, got to his feet and left. There wasn't much more he could do for these two, and he desperately wanted ice cream.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, you two are…?"
> 
> "I- Yeah. Yeah, we are," Dream said, his tone laced with a kind of cautious, incredulous joy. "Thanks, man."
> 
> Sapnap shuffled his feet sheepishly. "It was nothing."
> 
> "Nah, this probably wouldn't have happened without you stepping in."
> 
> "Yeah, it absolutely wouldn't have. I'll buy you an ice cream when Dream finally gets off his ass and takes us to Disney World," George promised. 
> 
> Dream squawked and gave George a little betrayed look. "Bro!"
> 
> "Don't call me bro after we made out on the couch for half an hour," George said firmly, ignoring Sapnap's retching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me @ AO3: Look I finally broke down and posted this chapter on a laptop instead of my phone. So, you're not gonna get rid of my italics, right? RIGHT?  
> AO3: >;3c
> 
> I'm gonna be honest, I am VERY surprised it took me this long to fall behind schedule and even more surprised that i'm only this late. Last time I had a chaptered fic, I promised the next update in the first week of February. Of 2020. This is why I don't do chapters. ANYWAY I hope you all enjoy this final installment of Sapnap's Guide to Surviving Your Best Friend's Gay Panic, it's been sososo much fun to write and I'm glad you all were here for the ride with me! Cheers!

Sapnap wasn't  _ exactly  _ sure what to expect when he got home. There was definitely a chance that George was actually so mad at Dream for leaving him at the park that he refused to speak, and honestly Sapnap couldn't blame him, but that honestly seemed a little out of character. George was temperamental and petty and very much enjoyed his little bouts of revenge, but he also had the patience of a saint when he wanted to. This whole thing with Dream had cemented that idea in Sapnap's mind. And there was also the chance that Dream had taken the coward's way out and either hid or played off his feelings like they didn't matter. That was the one Sapnap was most afraid of because if Dream took a hard stance on not talking about this, then there was no way George would push it. So, really, there was no way for Sapnap to know what was waiting for him. No way to know what he had finally set in motion. All he really knew is that it had been nearly two hours since he first left the house and that his fingers were still unpleasantly sticky from where his ice cream had melted. But he certainly hoped things would be okay.

When he first left, he had imagined returning home and all but kicking open the front door and shouting his arrival so that Dream and George would have a warning, but when he found himself looking at the front door, something held him back. So, instead, he slowly opened the front door and snuck down the hall. There wasn't any sounds of shouting or crying as near as he could tell, which seemed like it was probably a good thing. But then again, there wasn't any talking either. The only noise he could hear was the sound of some preview playing on the TV.

"Sapnap, please for the love of god quit trying to sneak around."

The wave of relief that washed over Sapnap at the sound of George's teasing voice nearly knocked him on his ass, but he had a reputation to maintain so he stomped into the livingroom and crossed his arms with a frown. "Bitch." George just curled his lips up in a smirk, so Sapnap took a moment to take in the whole scene. George and Dream were sat on the couch together, Dream crammed into the corner with George curled up tight by his side. Dream looked like a weird cross between bashful excitement and giddy nervousness as he glanced between Sapnap and where he had his hand tangled up with George's. George just looked like he had finally beat the last level of a game he'd been struggling with for ages. Sapnap felt a hopeful grin sprouting to life on his face. "So, you two are…?"

"I- Yeah. Yeah, we are," Dream said, his tone laced with a kind of cautious, incredulous joy. "Thanks, man."

Sapnap shuffled his feet sheepishly. "It was nothing."

"Nah, this probably wouldn't have happened without you stepping in."

"Yeah, it absolutely wouldn't have. I'll buy you an ice cream when Dream finally gets off his ass and takes us to Disney World," George promised. 

Dream squawked and gave George a little betrayed look. "Bro!"

"Don't call me bro after we made out on the couch for half an hour," George said firmly, ignoring Sapnap's retching. "And it wouldn't have. You probably would have died without ever bringing it up."

"Don't act like you're so innocent!" Sapnap laughed, deciding to cut in. George gave him a look that was borderline panicked and his grin just widened. "You had a crush on him for  _ how _ many years, again?"

_ "Shut up!" _ George hissed, his face turning scarlet, and looking like he'd rather be literally anywhere else.

Dream, on the other hand, looked delighted. "You had a crush on me? George!" he cooed, using the arm he already had wrapped around George's waist to pick him up and squeeze him in a tight hug. "That's so cute!"

"Put me down or I swear to god I'll break up.with you," George warned, looking very much like a very ruffled, very embarrassed cat.

"But,  _ George,  _ you had a crush on me!" Dream protested, putting George fully back on the couch. "I can't let you live that down!"

George just continued to sit there looking embarrassed for a moment before a grin formed on his face. He lowered his chin and practically fluttered his eyelashes as Dream looked down at him, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. "Dreeeaaaammm, that's not fair. How was I supposed to  _ not _ get a crush on you?"

"Fucking Dream dot exe has stopped working," Sapnap cackled as Dream hid his bright red cheeks in his hands. Then Sapnap suddenly stopped laughing and looked at George, pale-faced. "Oh, god what have I done?"

George cocked his head to the side and gave him a funny look. "What?"

"I'm  _ never  _ gonna be able to pick out what we get for takeout ever again," Sapnap moaned. "Any time I want something else, you're just gonna do whatever the fuck you just did and make Dream side with you. I can say goodbye to that chicken masala."

George laughed, curling over on himself like a shrimp with the force of his giggles and Dream pouted at Sapnap. "I'm not gonna agree with him  _ every  _ time," he protested. 

"Dude, you  _ so _ are," Sapnap continued to whine. "It was already hard enough getting you on my side before. Now he can, like, threaten to withhold sex or something."

George just laughed even harder, sounding almost Dreamlike with the force of his wheezing, while Dream spluttered and squawked, clutching his metaphorical pearls at the very mention of sex. Sapnap just watched the scene unfold with a small flare of pride until his attention was grabbed by a well-timed roar. At some point or another before Sapnap had shown up, Dream and George had pulled up Jurassic Park on the TV and the preview had been playing in the background. Sapnap's first instinct was to let out a little whoop and hop on the couch, squirming into Dream's other side, and demand that they start the movie, but he hesitated, not sure if he was invited to do that right now. He wasn't sure if he'd be invited to do it again any time soon. Part of him didn't want to know. But he couldn't very well call Dream a coward and then run away from his own conversations, so he cleared his throat.

"Soooo, uh, is this currently a party or a date?" he asked, gesturing between the two of them and kind of dreading the answer. 

Dream and George looked at one another for a second before Dream turned back to Sapnap with a wide grin. "Definitely a party."

Sapnap's eyebrows shot up in surprise and glanced back down at their intertwined hands. "Party? You sure about that?" 

"Well, it  _ was  _ a date, but I wanted to binge all the Jurassic Park movies, and it's not like we can do that  _ without _ you," George scoffed like the very idea offended him.

Dream nodded seriously. "Bros before hoes and all that."

Sapnap's mouth twitched up into a grin. "Even when the bros are the hoes?"

"Even when the bros are the hoes."

George looked confused at their antics, but he was still smiling and gently pulling Dream away from the armrest to give Sapnap a place to sit down and Dream was laughing and opening his arms up to be cuddled on both sides and Jurassic Park was playing on the TV. Sapnap breathed a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding before he hopped the back of the couch to join his two best friends. 

And in that moment everything seemed pretty damn perfect.

*Bonus scene*

They were about halfway through the second movie and two thirds through the giant bowl of popcorn George had been bullied into making when Sapnap suddenly sat up ramrod straight, looking almost terrifyingly serious. "You two  _ can't  _ get married."

Dream let out a laugh that was closer to a scream than what any normal person would consider a laugh, and George went bright red and furious. "Sap, we literally just started dating, you can't bring shit like that up," he hissed.

"What the fuck ever. It's true. You can't get married."

Dream thumbed a tear from his eye, but his voice still shook with laughter when he asked, "Why aren't we allowed to get married?"

"Because if you do, I can only be best man for one of you," Sapnap scowled. "And I am  _ not  _ living with having to make that choice."

"Who says we'd even want to get married?" George demanded, still pouting. "What if I dump him?"

Dream gave him an offended, betrayed look. "Wait, so Sapnap isn't allowed to talk about us getting married because we only just started dating, but you're allowed to talk about  _ dumping me _ ? How's that fair?"

"It doesn't matter, you two aren't allowed to break up, either," Sapnap dismissed. "Like, that would be even  _ worse  _ than the best man thing."

"Fine, then you can officiate," George huffed, slumping into Dream's side. "Not that it really matters. I don't much feel like asking you to be my best man right now, anyways."

"Yeah, okay, that works. Officiating sounds cool as hell," Sapnap agreed easily, curling back down into his original position like nothing out of the ordinary happened. "Shut up, this is my favorite part." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I added that last bonus scene just because I was worried that this chapter maybe didn't have enough goofs, and I couldn't have that. So, enjoy these three acting like morons. Also I didn't plug my Tumblr and Big Bang at the top because I didn't want to mess up the thank you message, so here's me shamelessly self-promoing here (✿ Ò ᴗ Ó)  
> Tumblr: summerflingsandthings.tumblr.com  
> Big Bang: dsmp-bigbang.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Ayyyy! Thanks for getting to the end! If you want to yell at me about various SMP things or request a fic, hmu over at summerflingsandthings.tumblr.com And don't forget to check out the Big Bang I'm working on at dsmp-bigbang.tumblr.com ! The interest check is going to close on the 9th and sign ups will follow soon atfer! Even if you're not an author or an artist, check it out! There's opportunities to engage for everyone!


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